Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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