maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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