hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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