smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
