I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i think my cat just said my name.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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