sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
