Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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