i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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