we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
