What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
