Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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