2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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