if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My hand turned me down
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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