Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
