She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
