watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
