Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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