Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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