You really coming over, don't trick.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
