just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
