I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
