Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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