shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
