News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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