Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you didnt know i had herpes?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
