The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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