U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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