I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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