I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
