He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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