He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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