Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
