I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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