my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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