no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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