Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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