Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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