I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
