I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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