I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
