I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
