i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
