I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
