I'm gonna have a badass scar
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
