It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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