Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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