I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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