No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This baby is an asshole
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
