will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
