you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
