I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
