you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
