One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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