If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
