I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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