even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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