Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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