remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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