I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
