are you so shy because you have an std?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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