so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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