He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
